Evil Orchids

If I'm ever sick or in the hospital and delirious or on pain meds and stuff and you want to send me flowers, please don't send orchids.

If you take a close look at them, it's pretty clear they want to eat you. Look here, or here. This one practically has a beak. Look at the evil little guy in the center of this one, plotting your demise. Here's an after shot of the first one, still spattered in the blood of its last victim. And you think I'm kidding?

I'm serious. They have what appear to be little tiny evil faces tucked inside their 5-6 groping, clutchy petals. If I ever woke up one night in a dimly lit room and "saw" their little mandibles grinding, I do believe I'd have a heart attack...but it would still come as no surprise.

This musing was brought on by the fact that I had a little stem with two on them tucked into a bud jar on my desk. One flower fell off. I felt bad, and looked at it closely.

I'm now missing an eye.

Well, not really, but looking more closely showed me the evil being piloting the orchid. I'm pretty sure it fell off because it was straining to nip at my elbow.

Sylvia Plath made Poppies grotesque...I'm calling orchids out as alien carnivores. I'm not saying they're not pretty...just that beauty is such an apt disguise -- a diversion to keep you from noticing the insidious little monster in the center.

Be warned.